Into the eyes of me

11:49pm: Herm
Does any one use LJ anymore LOL

6:03pm: I see that I have Failed you and for that Im sorry

3:55pm: Sometimes
I try really hard only to let people down, and it hurts. I just feel like shit man i have issues one being i live in the past way to much instead of just looking at the future all i want is to be a good husband and a great father and I dont feel like I can do it because im just low right now. Maybe shit will get better SOON


Sorry to thoes who I let down
sorry for living in the past
sorry for being me

11:35am: 18
being 18 is cool but sucks..specialy in bama where as to now you have to 19 to do shit!

But i need a cig really bad so if your 19 or older buy me a pack before i have a nervousbreakdownshitfuckingfit and slit some ones throat

9:14am: I hate inconsiderate people. But it hurts the most when its the ones you love and they have no idea that they are doing it you know. This is just a general thought, But it hurts. say for example you have plans with a friend and you arange to have them call you then next day or two to confirm thoes plans, BUT they dont call and now your parents for example or just say something comes up and plans have changed and that person hasnt called then they are going to get pissed at you when they should be pissed at them selves, All im trying to point out is peoples actions theses days they dont think about how something they do can make others feel makeing them inconsiderate, I could think of 100 more examples but i have proven my point, I just dont like haveing people get pissed AT ME for something they did by being inconsiderate and inseneitive, so all i ask of thoes who read is sit and think about if you have done this to some one or if some one has done this to and if you did this to some one go appologize and tell them that you where being inconsiderate

In closing, Think of the ones you hurt and think before you say that your going to do something then not, People take hurt diffrent ways and a few of thoes ways could be something serious so just think before agreeing and always try to follow throught and most importantly dont be Inconsiderate

9:36pm: I put in a 100% only to get shit on I want shit to fucking work what the fuck is going on here damn it im so fucking lost and confused love is not false hopes and broken promise and thats a general fucking fact Im tired of trying so hard for the big pay off and getting shit on I hate me I really do and i just want to give up

9:31pm: stupid shit ever wtf gay ass fuck
so i droped off meg and on the way home i was lisnting to some queen to my surprise there was an animal in the road so i swirved and such hit a wet spot and did a 180 all is cool didnt crash n burn...but the animal was no where to be found damn thing almost killed me =( o well

3:30pm: ...
Things between me and the megster are getting better, she isnt going off on me for no reason any more so that makes me happy. Jakob is growing rather fast lil too fast but I love him to death, He is one of the greatest things to happen to me ever and life is getting awsomer, I hope they get better. Im dealing with some of my own personal issuses which are gay because they are some what controling my life right now and its driving me crazy the fact that I cant do anything about it right now So im kind of lost in what to do there but othere than that Things are great...

4:11pm: Life gets good!!!! then.......Goes back to shit

11:02pm: I suck at life

8:10pm: fucked thought
Many a time have a thought of putting a gun to my head and blowing out my brains, NO really I have
Might be why i had a shrink...never mind that.. I still think it some times its only in my nature but its people LIke MEGHAN STEVE BRIT and MORG that keep my fat goofy ass alive I think of meg and how if I did that what she would be left with and me just knowing how she would feel I just couldnt bare to be that selfish and blow this pain away, dont get me wrong Im happy now ALOT HAPPY juss cuz of one person, I do have an achin pain in my head I have no clue what it is man but it hurts all the time! cant go to the doc fuck them they dont know shit Ill live with it and most are pill happy any way but im dont for now to be continued

ps And to thoes of you who have been there for me thanks I love you much!

9:42pm: YO YO
Meghan is the most rock awsomest girl I have ever met! She has it all, Have you ever took the time to stop and look into her eyes? I think her dad had to of been a thief , and stole the stars and put them in her eyes because she has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I could be lost in them for days and days.
I love her more than I have ever loved any one even my own family (but whats really to love there?)I dont know what it is about her that just makes me melt! but she stole my heart and fixed it I love her I really Do.

6:14pm: oh joy
today = good day im me to know why

9:33am: Fuck me
Life is hell right now

9:21pm: Fun damn week
ok it starts out sunday im sick, monday still sick and my birthday, go to skin deep new tattoo it really is awsome .....still sick yet tonight skin deep again spur of the moment thing im like i wanna get pierced cuz ricky is bored as fuck and hasnt pierced all day so im like septum then i was like nah nipples he hooks me up with some free pain and fat kid has nipples pierced!

10:39pm: new addition
Got a new tatt hurt like hell but its more kick ass than yours

10:50am: Ill be 18 tomorrow... not a big deal I still cant do shit, cant smoke or drink but i can go die for my so called country fuck that and fuck them, I just sat here and filled out that damn selective service system bull shit fuck the gov goddamn

11:35am: I pass the graduation exam and all i get is a fucking T-shirt
Yeah school suck so does that shirt I got heh, but i got my transcript today to help motivate my parents into letting me home school (thoes faggots)But my dad is afraid of my mom (cant blame him) and dosent want to talk to her about it, A week from this monday is my B-day Ill be 18 so Im goint withdraw from school the 20th so fuck yeah (its a bluff)to motivate my parents yet again! go me <>

10:00am: help
I have taken it upon myself to withdraw from school and home school, When my mom finds out im sure she will try and kick me out. so if any of you have a place avaliable for me to stay that will be great!

I decicded meghan can not take care of jakob alone so I need to be there during the day to take care of him then do my school work and go to work. some reason my mom thinks its the most awfull thing and by me doing this she is going to put me out on my ass and then what I will then become what she already says I will a failure, why cant she see that im trying to do some good here and my schooling will not go to waste I need help real bad HELP HELP HELP I dont know what to do any more

10:39am: mother fuck
i feel like shit and well...Hated to


Fuck all~!~

7:53pm: This is gay
Umm ok im a fitness freak now umm big woop i s'pose but heh owell fuck it ....my ass looks better in girl pants than yours oh.....burn fuck it im out


love all~!~

10:52am: I am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images
and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate
that God himself did make
us into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true, it may seem like a stretch
but its thoughts like this that catch
my troubled head when you're away
when I am missing you to death
when you are out there on the road
for several weeks of shows
and when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

they will see us waving from such great heights,
"come down now", they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now", but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave
this all on your machine
but the persistent beat it sounded thin
upon listening
and that frankly will not fly
you will hear the shrillest highs
and lowest lows with the windows down
when this is guiding you home

they will see us waving from such great
heights,
"come down now", they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
"come down now", but we'll stay...

7:37pm: its official
My life sucks... with the exceptions of a few ppl and things


MEGHAN I love you

10:04am: gddamn
Its cold people, I think my school is poor and cant aford heat, all the so called teacher who yet lack education in there own filed have the goddamn air on! WTF its wet out younder Jebus christ le Woot
my nuts shurnk....In better news I got a sleepless night only to find my self waking up when I finally deciced to snooz to my 7:00am alarm clock to think its sunday and hit the snooz button only to realize its monday and im late for schoo....Even better new Im haveing a good hair day!

Love all~!~

10:20am: OK sorry
I dont know how to say this with out comeing out and being rude and or mean about what I want to say
I love meghan to death I really do I want to be with her for ever. NO LIE....But when she talks about her past I get all bummed out and depressed about what she is saying and I dont know why?
Yeah I think Im jelous I really am, Jelous because I dont have memories like she does
Nothing all that great ever happend in my life No I didnt have friends like hers No I wasnt social like she was Her being happy about her past and her talking about it makes me emo and I dont know why it does that to me, Im soo fucking glad that she is opening up to me its the greatist thing ever And I love her for that but i do get really bummed about that shit

LOVE ALL~!~